"All the characters mentioned in the post are purely fictitious and bear no resemblance to any person living or dead"
So finally M receives the very eagerly anticipated SMS from S and that was the first thing he saw when he got up in the morning. Was he disappointed, to the core i can say.
Firstly S was not at all apologetic about her behavior rather she asked M directly if he was still interested in being friends or not ? M was flabbergasted at S's guts like it was his decision that even mattered and even if it did, was their relationship built on such weak foundation that it was so bloody easy to end it through a message.
Now M, having made up his mind during all the days when they didn't talk that he won't take any more shit and voice his opinion on some of the issues that need to be discussed between them, was taken aback reading the message and replied accusing S of unfair treatment. As a result and was expected there was no reply from S after the message, so now M thinks that this is the END of the three year of friendship they have had and the seven years they have been acquainted. He is reminded of a line on the cover of some novel, "the reward for every true love is not love."
M has had a tough day, checking his phone often to see if there is any communication from her side but nothing. His heart is broken and its aching like it has never did, he is constantly asking himself the question "what did he do to deserve all this?". Life as it is hasn't been easy for him and the one thing that he cherished, the one person who's dearer to him than his own mortal self, the most important person who determine his actions and thoughts, has decided to end their friendship.
M has been told by his friend Chotu that it's all over for him, while Hill has advised him to call up and talk if its hurting him, Bholey as usual is mum but still he was the one with M when he replied to the message and assured him that he was doing the right thing BUT the question in front of M is, Will he ever be able to forget her and move on??
M has been thinking a lot about all the turmoil in his life and has been constantly thinking about S, she is someone whose thoughts never leave him be it in sleep or study or roaming or any activity that he does, his mind is preoccupied with her thoughts. M knows how weak he gets in front her, not because he is weak but he chooses to be, not that he is dumb but he chooses to act so in front of her, not that he doesn't expect anything but he chose not expect, not that he cannot reply/refute all her lame explanations of things but he choose not to do so and this is what he has been doing for the past three years that is since the time they have got to know each other after school. He loves her like mad, there's nothing that he wants more in this world than her, there's nothing that he won't do to see her happy but he knows that she won't ever know. Even when displaying his anger/displeasure over the state of things between them through his message, his heart bled, he can't bear to lose her, his love for her is such that it doesn't ever lets him move on. He loves her with all her flaws, her qualities, her idiosyncrasies. He loves her the way she is. He just loves her. He loves being her friend, he loves being the one whom she turns to when she needs something. He loves everything about her.
BUT he wants to change the way his life has been so far, the love for her shall always remain but there is a last conversation that he wants have with S. Though he knows that the chat would mean suicide and eternal pain for M but still he wants it because he thinks if he doesn't have it, there isn't a way that S will Know of all the things that he wants to share with her, of all the things he feels that S should know, in a way which M thinks will only, help her improve if she takes it in the right spirit and that shall be enough for M for the rest of his life even if there's one thing that S learns out of the conversation.
M has been thinking lately of all the moments that he has spent in person and over the phone with S, though the pain of his love being rejected has always been there but the joy of being a part of her life has been overwhelming for him.
M has been having the desired conversation in his mind for so long now that it always keeps on playing in his head. It all started on the Saturday when he had gone to a friend's place and lost it after having booze.
He wasn't in his senses, puked blood along with booze and the worst of all was that he broke down in front of his friends Bholey, Chotu and Rama. Boy, did he cry!! he wailed like a new born does and not for a few seconds but for a good half an hour or so.
The only vision that he had while the entire drama commenced was that of S, her face was there right in front of his eyes. He didn't tell this to his friends who were shocked to see M, who has always been like a pillar of strength, unshaken by circumstances, crying in front of them.
When M woke up the next morning he was embarrassed, couldn't meet his friends gaze. But the one thing that happened good to him was that he had decided what he had to do, he wanted to have this conversation with S which will be like a mirror for her and he wanted it ASAP. M started to have this conversation in his mind as to what all will he say and he started to recollect everything right from the beginning so that everything that he states is accurate and there is no scope left for refutation on the basis of facts. He wanted it to be a masterpiece, one which S would have never imagined from M. One which shakes her up completely, one which wakes her up from the deep slumber that she is in.
Though excited at the prospect, there is one thing that M always knew and still knows is the fact that it will be really hard on S and more than that his own self would be crushed when he shall say those words/lines to her. He will die a thousand deaths but he is prepared because he knows if her eyes open to the obvious around her, at least S will have a new life and the many deaths of M shall not matter.
